(For the purpose of this section, the partner is identified as a husband. Please do not assume this means I have a limited view on the meaning of family. A partner is whoever is going to offer the pregnant woman support before, during, and after the birth of her child This can include boyfriends, life partners, best friends, etc. )

Very often, a potential client calls me, asks all the right questions, and then hesitates. She takes a deep breath, "I want a doula," she tells me, "but my husband..." and then what comes next is usually a variation of the following: her husband doesn't see why she needs a doula when she has him, or he is afraid the doula will take over, or he's afraid of looking like he's not doing a very good job in front of the doula.

So, my standard reply is to explain what a doula does and does not do. Before labor, a doula meets with the woman and her partner to talk about birth options, labor choices, childbirth education. These pre-natal meetings are tailored to the needs of the couple. Often, this is the time when the husband becomes most comfortable with the concept of a doula. Suddenly, he begins to understand what labor support requires. I have many dads say, "Well, I'm glad you'll be there."

During labor itself, the doula often speaks with both the mother and the partner regarding the progression of labor, the plan for whom to contact, when and where the couple and doula plan to meet. Once labor is underway and the doula is with the laboring mom, the hard work begins. The doula is able to assess the mother's emotional state and needs  and make suggestions regarding positions and comfort measures. The doula keeps a mental checklist of the things needed to allow labor to progress naturally and efficiently.  If ice, pillows, drinks, snacks, or any other supply is needed, the doula can get it, leaving the husband to attend to his wife so she will never be left alone. As labor progresses, the doula reassures the laboring mother and her husband that all is normal and well. Most dads feel relieved and calmed by the presence of a birth knowledgeable woman in their midst. It is difficult for partners to see the women they love experience the power, and often the pain, of labor. A doula is the husband's ally, and together they help the laboring woman achieve her desired birth experience. If an unexpected situation arises, the doula is able to clearly and calmly explain what is happening and what options the couple will have. With a doula, there is no room for panic or indecision. A doula protects and mothers the entire family.

In most hospital settings, an over-worked nurse spends approximately 6% of her time with each laboring patient. This is why a doula provides an irreplaceable, constant presence with all the benefits a doula-attended birth can provide.

After the  baby is born, it is natural for the father to follow the baby and the birth team caring for the new baby. The doula stays with the mother, reassuring her, comforting her, making sure she understands the post-partum period. In this vulnerable time, the husband will not have to worry about leaving his wife or having to choose between his wife and his child. He is reassured by the presence of the doula. Later, when things have settled down and the new mother and father gaze adoringly at their creation, the doula may quietly assist with breastfeeding, post-partum comfort, phone calls, requests for visitors and other concerns.

In the post-partum period, when life has returned somewhat to normal, the doula remains a trusted source of information. The post-partum visits are designed to coincide with the drop-off of visitors and well-wishers. The husband may have returned to work and the new mother may find herself a bit overwhelmed, or full of questions. In this phase, the doula continues to offer support to the mother and her husband as needed.

Finally I have this to say: Dads, have no fear! You are truly, truly irreplaceable by me or anyone else. I will not muscle you out of the room. The one person your wife will most want to look at, hear and be reassured by, is YOU. No one knows her better, and no one is needed more by her. My favorite part of what I do is the moment after birth when mother, father and baby are together as a family for the first time.