The Real Truth

Human Intelligence

Swimming the Shallow End of the Gene Pool

 

I once went on one (only!) date with a girl who was a little dim. I was constantly trying to help her with her basic chemistry homework. She couldn't grasp anything. Anyway, being a little unsure of what to talk about, I made the casual comment about how humid it was since the water glasses had a lot of condensation on them. She then proceeded to tell me how wrong I was. She insisted that the water in the glass leaked through microscopic holes in the glass. Thus the reason for the moisture on the outside! We actually argued about it and I never convinced her. That was our first and last date!

A very well-known TV star in Argentina invited a group of archeologists to her TV show, as they had recently found some dinosaur fossils in the south of the country. When told this, she asks (really amazed): oh, I can't believe it!!! Were the dinosaurs alive???

Because of my love of organic gardening, I decided to try a new and safe approach to the nasty corn worms I get in my home garden each year.I read in one of my books that if I put a drop of mineral oil on the tips of the ears that worms wouldn't eat my corn. When I told my wife about this new idea she said " How do you know where their ears are " she thought I was going to put it on the worms ears.......by the way, she's a blond.

After working in grocery stores for years I thought I had seen it all. Until going to a store in an upscale suburb.The day after Thanksgiving a woman walks up to me and demands a refund on her turkey,it seems that after taking the plastic off she and her children were so upset by finding the plastic bullet(the pop up timer)used to kill the bird they couldn't eat Thanksgiving dinner.

Actual dialog of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee:

TECH: "Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?"
CUSTOMER: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."

TECH: "What sort of trouble?"
CUSTOMER: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."

TECH: "Went away?"
CUSTOMER: "They disappeared."

TECH: "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
CUSTOMER: "Nothing."

TECH: "Nothing?"
CUSTOMER: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."

TECH: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
CUSTOMER: "How do I tell?"

TECH: "Can you see the C:\ prompt on the screen?"
CUSTOMER: "What's a sea-prompt?"

TECH: "Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"
CUSTOMER: "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."

TECH: "Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
CUSTOMER: "What's a monitor?"

TECH: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"
CUSTOMER: "I don't know."

TECH: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"
CUSTOMER:..."Yes, I think so."

TECH: "Great! Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."
CUSTOMER: ......."Yes, it is."

TECH: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"
CUSTOMER: "No."

TECH: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
CUSTOMER: ......"Okay, here it is."

TECH: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."
CUSTOMER: "I can't reach."

TECH: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"
CUSTOMER: "No."

TECH: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"
CUSTOMER: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle-it's because it's dark."

TECH: "Dark?"
CUSTOMER: "Yes-the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."

TECH: "Well, turn on the office light then."
CUSTOMER: "I can't."

TECH: "No? Why not?"
CUSTOMER: "Because there's a power outage."

TECH: "A power... A power outage? Aha! Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"
CUSTOMER: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."

TECH: "Good! Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
CUSTOMER: "Really? Is it that bad?"

TECH: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."
CUSTOMER: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"

TECH: "Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer."

 

 

    A lady at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly.  When inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the internet and they asked for a credit card number, so she's using the ATM "thingy".


    I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car.  "Do you need some help?" I asked.
    She replied, "I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker.  Now I can't get into my car.  Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenient store) would have a battery to fit this?"
    "Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm too?" I asked.
    "No, just this remote thingy," she answered, handing it and the car keys to me.
    As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, "Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries . . . it's a long walk."


    Several years ago, we had an intern who was none too swift.  One day he was typing and turned to a secretary and said, "I'm almost out of typing paper.  What do I do?"
    "Just use copier machine paper," the secretary told him.
    With that, the intern took his last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five "blank" copies.


    I was in a car dealership a while ago, when a large motor home was towed into the garage.  The front of the vehicle was in dire need of repair and the whole thing generally looked like an extra in "Twister".  I asked the manager what had happened.  He told me that the driver had set the "cruise control" and then went in the back to make a sandwich.


IDIOTS AT WORK...
    Sign in a gas station: Coke -- 49 cents. Two for a dollar.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
    I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the clerk noticed that I had never signed my name on the back of the credit card.  She informed me that she could not complete the transaction unless the card was signed.  When asked why, she explained that it was necessary to compare the signature on the credit card with the signature I just signed on the receipt.  So I signed the credit card in front of her.  She carefully compared that signature to the one I signed on the receipt.  As luck would have it, they matched.


IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD
    I live in a semi-rural area.  We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road.  The reason: Many deer were being hit by cars and he no longer wanted them to cross there.


IDIOTS & COMPUTERS
    My neighbor works in the operations department in the central office of a large bank.  Employees in the field call him when they have problems with their computers.  One night he got a call from a woman in one of the branch banks who had this question: "I've got smoke coming from the back of my terminal.  Do you guys have a fire downtown?"


IDIOTS ARE EASY TO PLEASE
    I was sitting in my science class, when the teacher commented that the next day would be the shortest day of the year.  My lab partner became visibly excited, cheering and clapping.  I explained to her that the amount of daylight changes, not the actual amount of time.  Needless to say, she was very disappointed.


IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE
    My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco.  She asked the individual behind the counter for "minimal lettuce."  He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg.


AN IDIOT'S IDIOT
    Police in Radnor, Pennsylvania, interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine.  The message "He's lying" was placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth.  Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect confessed.

Link for REALLY STUPID People